But I did want to stop by to tell you one thing, which is that Advent is coming. Last year my doubts weighed so heavily on me that I tried to get through the season without thinking of or noticing it. This year is different. This year I have the same old doubts but I am not afraid of them. This year I am admitting to myself that I like Advent, because I really really do. I've never been much of a Christmas day-Santa claus- red and green girl, but I love the tradition and the expectation and the liturgy and the simplicity of the advent season.
I love it so much that I had been plans to finish a now partially completed Advent e-course for the Doubters Anonymous community. But then, all the above things happened and I found myself entering a season of rest and real life presence, which I did not fight (maybe next year, dear e-course). I'm still in that season actually, so instead of doing the course, I've decided to just open myself up to the actual experience of Advent as much as possible, to give myself permission to enjoy this time of year, even thought I don't know what I believe, even though I don't always feel like I fit in with the notions of the season. I get to have Advent anyway. If that sounds up your alley, I'd love for you to join me.