Thursday, November 21, 2013

Holy Ground

A couple weeks ago I made the decision to take a break from church. I went to one more Sunday morning service before committing myself to a time of silence and contentment. I am not looking for answers to my doubts or any type of life changing experience. I only want to learn to accept my relationship with God for what it is, distant. I only want to sit quietly in the emptiness of it and let it be okay. To do that, I need to separate myself for a time from environments that make me feel desperate for more than what I have, or who I am. I need to draw back the curtain of activity that I pretend God is hiding behind and just stare into the chasm of his absence. I need to turn the volume down on the endless Christian chatter that fills my ears, so I can hear what God sounds like alone.

One week in and the silence is already piercing.

These past several years, church has been like a security blanket for me. Until last week, it was the last thing I was holding onto that said to the world: "I know God." But the truth is I don't, not anymore. I know him like I know the person two seats over from me in the waiting room at the DMV. We sit in polite silence for as long as necessary, and we don't even make eye contact.

Via
There is a holiness in church, in all of us gathering together despite our imperfections. I know that.

But it was just the two of them in the wilderness when God told Moses to take off his shoes.

It's my own wilderness that I'm finding in my time away from church. It is here in the intimacy of two friends sharing secrets at a forgotten corner table. It is here in the lonely hush of a sick baby and mama cuddled up with a pile of books. And it is here, even here, in the solitude of a woman barefoot and alone on the holy ground of her own living room.

*This post was inspired by a prompt found in the lovely Story Sessions community.*

8 comments :

  1. oh wow. this is amazing.

    "it was just the two of them." oh yes. <3

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  2. But it was just the two of them in the wilderness when God told Moses to take off his shoes. << so true. Thankful for these words, Alissa.

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  3. I am at another forgotten table in that same corner on Sunday's. I will be sure to wave at you next time I'm there :)

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