Tuesday, December 18, 2012

senses: oranges and baby silhouettes

Hearing: Christmas tunes in the morning, Sufjan Stevens, A Charlie Brown Christmas, She & Him  
Touching: little baby fingers tightly grasping mine // warm PJs fresh from the dryer
Seeing: baby shaped silhouettes against the soft, early morning light streaming through the curtains
Tasting: fresh fruit from the fruit bowl, bananas, green apples, and juicy little oranges
Smelling: little orange peels in the sink // that sweet, milky, baby skin smell

Inspired by Katie's Pencil Box.

Monday, December 10, 2012

On Motherhood: All the Pieces on the Floor

What is it about motherhood that breaks your heart into millions of tiny little pieces and scatters them all over the floor?

A few nights ago, I found myself with a couple of uninterrupted hours and it was glorious. I went to a coffeehouse, wrote, researched, then I went home, fed my baby, put him to sleep, ordered the next size of his diapers, and went to bed. And that's when an arrow suddenly penetrated the center of my heart.

Why is he growing up? Why can't he stay a little boy, a little baby forever? In the course of one week, he has outgrown most of his 3 month clothes, moved out of his bassinet, and now he needs the bigger diapers. How am I supposed to handle this? Motherhood is an entirely new kind of heartbreak. Every day, he will need me less and less, until he grows up and walks out the door, moving on with his life. Why must it happen this way? Every time I look at him sleeping, or watch his mouth grow into a gummy grin, I get this inexplicable feeling of my insides vaporizing and floating onto the ground. It tears me apart.  I think it's because, even as I cherish these moments, I see him growing before my very eyes, growing up and away. I want to bottle up each smile, each sound, and store it right beside my heart, no, inside my heart, forever. But there just isn't enough room! And so the pieces of this joy are just left scattered on the floor, trailing behind me everywhere I go. Do you see what I mean?

This advent season, as I celebrate the birth of Jesus, I also mourn with Mary, who too "treasured up all these things in her heart" as she watched her sweet baby boy grow up and away. Poor Mary, with all the pieces of her mother heart scattered on the floor.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

morning, noon, night: a december tuesday

Inspired by Beauty That Moves. I don't have a fancy camera, or a smartphone, or any photography skills, so I tend to neglect capturing simple everyday moments like these, but this beautiful series just keeps nudging at me to pull out my ol' point and shoot anyway. Hopefully these will become more common (and of better quality) over time. Let me know if you have any tips!