Thursday, June 17, 2010

Today, as I was leaving the public library, I heard the distinct sounds of live pow-wow music.

Today, as I was leaving the public library, I heard the distinct sounds of live pow-wow music. I followed the sounds to a back room of the library where there was actually a drum group performing. In Tennessee. At the public library. I don't think I have met a single Native American person since I have been back here, much less an entire group. For about twenty minutes my whole world froze. I was running late and my meter had expired, but I just couldn't move. I'm trying to resist the idea that this means anything. All I know is that I felt an overwhelming urge to cry, no sob, and that I can't really say exactly why.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I had pretty much given up blogging for a while.

I had pretty much given up blogging for a while, but a couple of people asked me to update, and since that is more people than I even thought read this, I guess I will write a little something.

At the end of April, the coffeehouse at which I had a part-time job had to let go off a few people and I was among them. I finished up my semester at UTC, then started looking for a new job. It has been more difficult than I anticipated. As of today, I am still jobless, but, luckily, Andy has maintained his job, so we are making things work. I’ve heard from multiple sources that the best thing to do when you can’t find a job is to volunteer, so today I signed up to teach ESL to newly arrived refugees with an organization that I came across called Bridges Refugee Services. I have no idea what it will be like but I am pretty excited. I think people recommend volunteering when you can't find a job because at least you are gaining some practical experience during the down time. Mostly, I just don’t want to look back on the summer realizing I wasted all my time thinking that a job was just around the corner, when I could have spent those three months doing something productive. Also, I think it might be as good of a way as any to keep from going crazy. So for now, Andy is the primary “breadwinner” of our little family, and we are living paycheck to paycheck. I know that people usually use that term in a negative way, and I am in no way saying that it is easy, but it took the first few months of our marriage just for us to get to the point of having significant paychecks, so it very much feels like a positive thing. For many families, with children to support or with additional financial burdens, living paycheck to paycheck would not be enough, but for us, in our present circumstances, it is the perfect place to be. In some ways it feels kind of like the modern day version of manna from heaven. Each month, God provides us with just enough to pay the bills, to buy the groceries, and maybe to go on a date to the dollar theater. He gives us our daily bread--our bimonthly bread really-- but never as much as would cause us to forget our dependence on him, to think we have it all under control through our own efforts. Still, we are abundantly blessed beyond what we deserve. Still, at some point during each day I am again overwhelmed by how fortunate I am to have Andy and for us both to have our health and a roof over our heads. I just don’t feel that I could fairly ask for a life any more wonderful than that.