Friday, October 2, 2009

Life is moving so quickly now.

Life is moving so quickly now. I feel like I barely have time to let it sink in. Decisions are coming at Andy and I so fast we don't even have the time to make them. We are getting to this really scary part of life where we have no choice but to jump into the mess, knowing we don't know how it will turn out, knowing it will probably hurt a little. For quite a few months now I have been feeling a little further from God, a little less passionate. But with all that has been going on and all these undeserved blessings coming my way, how can I complain?

We went to visit Andy's extended family in Wisconsin last weekend and I fell and hit my head pretty badly. I think it might have slowed me down a little, maybe. Well, at least my body. It slowed down my body a little, but my mind is still spinning like the entire world's problems rest on my shoulders. And somedays that is how I feel. Well, maybe not the world's problems, but at least my entire family's.

There isn't much I can do now, but to close my eyes, hope for the best, and let life's current take me where it may. I'm not trying to say that our decisions aren't important. It's just that we've done all the planning we can do, and we are getting married in two weeks. And then, somehow, we are taking a vacation in the middle of all this craziness. And then we are moving to a new place and kind of having real adult lives!

It is so odd. The crazier things get, with housing and jobs and family and wedding planning, the more I am forced, despite my desires, to slow..... down. So I think it is good that I am coming to the end of myself, that I am reaching that inevitable point when I realize that I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Hopefully, it will bring me closer to finally getting some sense knocked into me, figuratively, and realizing (once and for all?) that all my worrying really does get me nowhere, and then (maybe?) crawling out of this spiritual pit I have placed myself in.

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